I Am For You, You Are For Me

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I-Am-For-You

Ah, I love this tune. Not because I wrote it and am unhealthily attached, but because it represents a super pivotal, super terrifying time in my life. The time I decided I wanted to be with one person for the rest of forever (EGAD!). And not just any old person. Ryan. O. Neill.

Those of you that have known me for over 3 years know that this is a pretty big deal. Like…whale-sized big deal (look at me tie that ocean imagery in there). I was pretty terrified of marriage and wasn’t sure if I was into the idea. It wasn’t ever really painted in the most appetizing of lights. (I definitely meant appealing… but I’m leaving appetizing.) It just seemed like this trendy thing people do because they’re bored or lonely or don’t know what to do after college, and then they eventually end up hating each other, either before of after they casually create other human beings together, and then they’re all f-ed up too and the cycle continues. Wee! It probably also didn’t help that obviously all of my relationships had eventually come to a messy but necessary end, each one further perpetuating this optimistic outlook on the institution. I would seemingly toss the idea around in my head, always smiling and nodding to those suggesting it, all the while thinking “LOL OMG THERES LITERALLY NO WAY.”  Well, turns out there literally was.

There were some messy things leading up to meeting Ryan that I will delve into in later posts, but needless to say after you just suffered through reading the above paragraph, I was in a bad place. In fact, I actually said no to Ryan’s first attempts at asking me out. I know, I know. But in reality, I was scared. After being tossed around by the waves all too recently and all too roughly, I didn’t think any kind of relationship would go well. Not to mention Ryan was the literal opposite of any guy I had ever attempted to date lol.  He wasn’t my type, I would tell myself. And our friends thought the exact same thing. When people found out we were dating, I’m pretty sure the common response was…”Wait seriously? Those two?” Yes, us two. And it was so gloriously DIFFERENT.

Though being with your opposite can be extremely difficult as well (more on that later), it ended up making us really fit each other. To complete each other, if you will. Or if Jerry Maguire will. I remember sitting on Ryan’s couch watching Dexter or something irrelevant and thinking: Ok, I could actually do this for forever. I want to sit next to him and watch border-line inappropriate Netflix series together. I want to magically become a dog person. I want to answer “would you rathers” until my ears bleed. I want to watch him spill salsa on his high school basketball shorts that he refuses to retire every night. Screw all my former, pessimistic views on marriage. I want to follow him wherever he goes.

And despite all of my insecurities that I was (…am) working through, despite my days of doubt, despite meltdowns, despite everything, I could rest my head on the shoulders of one promise. A promise that I knew was true without a shadow of a doubt. He was for me, and I was for him. I’ve never believed in someone the way I believe in Ryan.  For the first time, I let myself fully go there. And I’m so glad I did.

And that’s what this song is about. Really, it’s about me getting to this place of confidence and impatiently wanting him to get there too so that we could be BOUND TO EACH OTHER UNTIL DEATH (creepy smile + twiddling fingers).

And being stuck with somebody into eternity is the most freedom I have ever felt.

idealistic view of us

idealistic view of us

...more accurate view of us

…more accurate view of us

 

Lyrics:

I know, I know that you like things slow

And you take your time

Well I’m fine with that

You know, you know that I think that time is

An iron cage that holds us back

But

(chorus) 

No matter where you go

Just know that I am for you

I AM FOR YOU 

You go, you go the long, long extra mile 

Just to me feel like I’m home again

I go, I go just right around the bend and

I drive you crazy, over and over again

But

(chorus)

No matter where you go

Just know that I am for you

I AM FOR YOU 

I can be the worst, I can push you from behind

I can blame my insecurities, I blame them all the time

I think i can navigate and find my way back home

BUT I WON’T GO UNLESS YOU GO

And there you sit and look right through me with those dark and knowing eyes

And how I wish you would hold me, I wish you’d realize

I’m as fragile as a child and I am reaching out to you

But then your hand touches my face and 

I REALIZE WHATS TRUE

That no matter where I go, I know that 

YOU ARE FOR ME

 

 

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