This tune is a party. It was actually the latest addition to the album. I had the chorus melody in my head when Ryan and I traveled last fall and brought it home with me wanting to do something with it. Then I realized that as much as Taylor and I had been working together this past year, we have never actually written together. So, we wrote together. And I love what happened.
Taylor and I pulled this song from a lot of different places and experiences, but for me, I see this song as a sort of anthem to my former self. An anthem to any confused/emotional/dependent/bad-decision-making person, really. It ties in a lot with the Wayside blog post. We all have those moments where we lean into the chaos. We like the way it feels, despite the sometimes obvious consequences. That was my life, especially my first few years in Nashville. As much as I would love to hide behind the comforting walls of “I didn’t know what I was doing” etc, I think deep down I did. I think deep down I chose the good time despite the impending doom, and this song is a reminder that that never really works out. For anybody. Eventually, we all have our “wayside moment” and have to face the music. And in reality, it isn’t a very enjoyable tune. In reality, it sounds a lot like Nickelback.
So not only is this song a constant reminder for me, but I hope it serves as a sort of encouraging wake up call to others still stuck in their days of chaos. One of the main reasons I want to be so open about my past and the mistakes I’ve made is to be some kind of hopeful beacon that shows you can make it out alive. That you CAN step out of the pattern. You really can. And not only that, but you can come out on the other side a better human being. All of those things we look to for instant gratification never really pan out anyways. You know, the moment when you realize that that necklace you bought for $500 off a shady dude in an alley isn’t real gold. And then the moment you realize deep down you knew it wasn’t real all along and went for it anyways. And now you have Hep C. (…I feel the need to clarify that that was a hypothetical). Lol but really, we all know on some level. So lets spare ourselves the pain, make the journey a tad shorter and take a little ownership.
I mean literally just 10 minutes ago Ryan and I got in a fight and I said some hurtful things and refused to apologize or take the blame. So, here’s proof that it doesn’t just end in a flash of good conscience and WALLAH! We are healed. It’s an every day climb (amiright Miley?). Hence me writing a song to myself. I still have to repeat in my head “whoa whoa, don’t get carried away now. ABORT ABORT.” And some days I’m successful and others I fall on my face for the millionth time. But the beauty is in forgiving yourself and seeking it from others. The beauty is in surrounding yourself with people that love you through those moments and will trudge through them with you. The beauty is in the remedy.
Because let’s be honest, it’s a hard line between a heartache and a good time, folks.